Dysfunctional families are common grist for fiction, but in an article for Writer’s Digest, Juliet Blackwell says please don’t make it all about the mom. “Whether the mother/daughter relationship is key to your current story arc, a horrifying backstory that compels the action, or merely provides a story-adjacent angst, here are a few important tips to deepen your characters and their interactions,” Blackwell says.
- Remember a mother’s love. “Let’s start with the good stuff: Mothers and daughters often share fierce love, profound understanding, and a mutual perspective on the world,” Blackwell writes. “But of course that closeness can also get out of hand, causing problems in other intimate relationships and pushing others away.” Can this closeness compel the mother to be over-protective or jealous, or to project her fears and baggage onto her daughter? Parenting also comes with healthy doses of guilt, resentment, and fear.
- And remember when it runs out. Strong emotions sometimes bring people closer, but sometimes it drives them apart. When mothers and their children don’t get along, it’s inevitable one or both will start blaming themselves or the other. Complicating matters is the difficulty in expressing doubts and hurts. “This silencing can result in feeling unseen, which in turn might lead to manipulation or neediness,” Blackwell says. “On the other hand, even very young daughters are often skilled at reading their mothers’ unspoken and unacknowledged needs and desires, resulting in increased empathy and sensitivity.”
- Consider when love is absent. “When a mother is not around, her very absence can become, in a very real sense, a story’s main character,” Blackwell says. “Conversely, a mother who is present and accounted for isn’t always a good thing.” A mother who abuses or abandons her children is another story altogether. “That’s a hefty label, and a very hard character to portray with sympathy,” Blackwell writes. “On the other hand, if you can pull it off, you will have written a compelling story!”
