In a post on Writers in the Storm, Laura Drake suggests methods for revealing your characters’ thoughts without going overboard. “Thoughts in exposition can be wonderful – they help your reader get to know your characters and have empathy for them,” she says. “Done wrong, thoughts on the page invite skimming and that’s the LAST thing you want.”
Often, there are simply too many thoughts on the page. As a result, the reader might feel trapped in your character’s head. At worst, you may have several pages of thoughts and backstory without any forward movement. This can be particularly challenging in first person. “As authors, we have a hard time judging when enough is enough,” Drake writes. “We tend to think the reader needs more information than they do.” In reality, the reader needs way less than you believe.
Portraying the obvious is another pitfall. When your character’s thoughts merely repeat their reaction internally or state an obvious response, it’s time to start cutting. Backstory is another area where writers tend to go overboard. A sentence or two, or even a sentence fragment, is usually enough reaction.
