In an article for Writer’s Digest, Marion Lougheed says telling moments in your narrative are like the garnishes in your martini – elements that add flavor. “Garnishes are the telling detail of the martini. The choice of one or the other (or neither!) changes how the drinker experiences the drink,” she says. “The same is true in how we describe people, places, and things in our writing.”
Lougheed shares four examples from published novels that show how a telling detail brings a story to life:
“And when they came to a halt, it was outside an office building that had been completed so recently it probably didn’t even have a vermin problem yet.” – The Turnglass, Gareth Rubin
The detail about the vermin gives the reader a frame of reference for both the setting and what passes for normal in this world. The addition of “yet” clues us in on what to expect.
“Leonard, a graduate student, studied English at Georgetown, closing books and then mounting them on his bookcase as if in a display of difficult prey bagged.” –”Garden” in Three Thousand Dollars, David Lipsky
“The detail that Leonard has a bookcase where he keeps all his books (rather than, say, selling them to recoup costs) shows that he has enough money to engage comfortably with his studies,” Lougheed notes. “The fact that he displays his books shows that he enjoys airing his accomplishments to other people, or perhaps that he likes to look back on what he has accomplished. The simile contrasts his intellectual achievements with a more physical, traditionally masculine activity (hunting).”
“I take inventory of the room. No window, a side table, one door. No other furnishings. This isn’t a standard hospital room. Maybe government.” –Havelock, Andrew Buckley
A hospital room with no windows, tables, or non-essential furnishings isn’t a normal hospital room.
“The telling detail contains more than a simple description,” Lougheed writes. “The best ones are those that carry layers of meaning. Just like the olive and the lemon peel, the right detail can elevate each story moment in exactly the right way.”
