In a post on Writers Helping Writers, Becca Puglisi offers advice for keeping your voice and observations out of your first person narrative. “Author Intrusion happens when the author butts into the story to address the audience directly, interrupting the character who’s supposed to be narrating,” she explains. Sometimes – Jane Austen, Lemony Snicket – this is intentional and it works. If you’re not using author intrusion intentionally, you may throw your reader out of your story.
A major offender is first person narrators describing something about themselves, such as their appearance, personality, or clothing. Another is when the narrator identifies another character for the reader. These thoughts sound unnatural, because that’s not how we think. Someone else has interjected, which creates distance between the narrator and the reader.
Of course, this creates a problem for the writer. Readers do need to know what your POV character looks like and their relationship to their neighbor, Bob. Puglisi offers advice for walking this line:
- Slip the Details into What’s Already Happening. “Instead of interrupting story events to relay information, share those details through what’s already happening,” she says. “Look for a scene where it would be natural for the character to reference those particulars while events are unfolding.” In the case of neighbor Bob, show him walking out of his next door home or apartment. The reader will figure it out.
- Use Viewpoint Filtering. Filter everything through the POV character. “The details she focuses on, her thoughts, the words she uses—her voice is consistent because the author is getting out of the way and letting the character tell the story,” Puglisi notes.
- Use Other Characters. Describing your first person narrator is tricky, because we don’t think of ourselves in this way. A character might lament their weight or hair loss, but it would sound weird to have them talk about eye color or height. Instead let other characters comment on what’s most interesting about your narrator.
“One reason intrusion doesn’t work is because the facts are so baldly stated,” Puglisi writers. “Every character’s unique personality bleeds into their voice, and when you include observations that lack personality (or sound too much like you), it’s obvious those observations aren’t coming from the character.” Take time to get to know how your cast speaks and give them individual voices. As a bonus, their way of speaking will also serve to create images in your readers’ minds.
