In a post on Writers in the Storm, Lisa Hall-Wilson explains how writers can intrude on their characters when they use deep POV and suggests ways to fix the problem. When using deep POV, the author immerses the reader into the protagonist’s or narrator’s thoughts, as though the story is unfolding through their eyes in real time. But this isn’t easy. “Writers see the advice that readers only get the information the main character takes in (what they see, hear, know, learn, intuit, etc), but are then frustrated by how often critiques point out where the author/narrator voice has crept in,” Hall-Wilson says. While their aren’t any rules to deep POV, knowing how it works and where you may find pitfalls can help you use the technique purposefully and intelligently.
Author intrusions happens when the narration conveys information to the reader that is outside the experience or thoughts of the protagonist. You might drop in information that your hero can’t know or start explaining backstory when your protagonist has no reason to think of it during the scene.
Hall-Wilson offers some examples of intrusion. If your protagonist thinks of other characters in terms of their relationships or backstory – Bob, the fourth husband – the author is intruding. In such a case, the POV character knows Bob and knows that he is another character’s fourth husband. Unless they are telling someone this information, there’s likely no reason for them to think it. Dialogue is a good way to deliver this kind of info.
Similarly, characters don’t think about the descriptions of items they carry, what they look like, or any worldbuilding you want to convey. “Watch for places where the POV character describes an aspect of their world they’d take for granted,” Hall-Wilson warns. “Where are you – the author – summarizing, explaining, giving context for things the character wouldn’t bother or need to tell themselves? Remember, the character is alone in their own head, they don’t talk to the reader through their thoughts.”
