In a post on Writers Helping Writers, Marissa Graff says we should balance our desire to create empathetic characters with the need to keep them from being too pathetic. “Though you’d think a pitiful character tugs at readers’ heartstrings, pity creates a divide between the reader and the character,” she says. “Readers don’t want to identify with someone who is self-pitying or who perceives themselves as a victim.” She suggests five techniques for helping your reader relate to your characters, without pitying them.
- Let Your Protagonist Be Ignorant to Their Circumstances. “If the character is blaming or envying others, directly pointing to what they lack and how terrible life is without it, overly-aware of their plight, or exuding any other behaviors that spell ‘victim,’ you’re veering into The Danger Zone,” Graff writes. Avoid having your character state directly what they want or need, and instead let the reader infer it. Avoid language suggesting blame or envy, and show your character trying to figure out their own way.
- Limit the Amount of Time Your Narrator Has the Microphone. Don’t indulge in too much interiority, lest your character feel needy, high-maintenance, or controlling. This is easy to do in first person, but also in close third. Once we’re in a character’s POV, it’s hard to drop back from their thoughts, which may sound whiny or self-pitying if we don’t watch it. “Let the scenes of your story show us what we are meant to notice and feel about your character’s life,” Graff recommends.
- Put Your Character into Circumstances That Reveal Their Wounds. Use conflict to show your character’s emotional baggage. Put them in locations and scenarios that test them and bring their problems to the surface. “What type of event would trigger ‘side effects’ of your character’s backstory wounds in a way that relies on showing instead of telling?” Graff asks. “Think of circumstances that can noticeably make your character uncomfortable, or show them deliberately ignoring what’s happening around them.”
- Start Developing the Logic For Your Character’s Wounds Early And Often. Drop hints to your character’s backstory – and therefore their wounds and motivations – early and follow-up with details. “If all we do is hint at things that trigger our characters, the reader will start to feel frustrated,” Groff explains. “They will see us behind the words pointing to the character’s wounds, which will begin to feel like pity if the why piece of things isn’t developed.” On the other hand, don’t reveal too much at the early stage.
- Employ a Narrative Perspective That Puts Your Reader Inside Your Character’s Skin as Much as Possible. “Readers are more likely to empathize and identify with our protagonist if we use an intimate point of view, one that puts the reader inside the character’s mind and body,” Groff says. “An intimate point of view gives readers exclusive access to a flawed character’s perspective. It allows readers to make an easier connection with a character.” Consider first person or close third POV.
