In a post on Lit Hub, Reine Arcache Melvin offers advice for writing about sex when you don’t want to write about sex. “In sex, on the page as elsewhere, tastes vary widely,” Melvin says. “But one thing is certain—sex scenes are tricky to write and often excruciating to read, especially when they’re meant to be serious.”
Faced with sexually fraught encounters, Melvin says sometimes the best approach is to look away. “We can look sideways, to what happens immediately before and after the sexual act, to what is going on in the characters’ minds or in the world beyond their bed when they make love, to the other dramas in their lives—everything but a direct look,” she says. “We can leave spaces. The reader will fill in the gaps.”
One way is to focus on desire, Melvin suggests, pointing to Marguerite Duras’ The Lover as an example. “The first sex scene in The Lover appears about a third into the novel,” she explains. “The scene lingers over the girl’s discovery of the man’s skin, its softness, the thinness that must have made him, she thinks, vulnerable to bullies in school.” Desire is often more interesting than sex, because desire is about wanting and discovery.
Focusing on desire also can help you direct your gaze away from the act itself and towards other sensual elements, such as smell, taste, and weight. A character may focus on a small part of their lover’s body. Emphasizing affection or tenderness is another way to turn your gaze from the sex act to the overall encounter.
Another approach is to bring the outside world into the sex scene, through the character’s thoughts. “We are often elsewhere when we’re with our lovers, thinking about other concerns and other people—our families, our friends, our fatigue or the temperature, work, money, our bodies, the things we need to do,” Melvin says. You can also break up a sex scene with flashbacks or memories. “People’s longings are never just sexual; thoughts and fears about other aspects of their lives are woven into their sexual and emotional encounters,” Melvin notes.
This can also be accomplished by describing the world outside the bedroom, bringing it into the sex scene. “The larger world—the context of their love affair—remains present in this way,” Melvin says. “How the lovers perceive these sounds or light before and after making love—or while doing so—can say a great deal about their sexual encounter.”
